What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
