The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
