you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
