just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
