so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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