she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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