is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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