When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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