Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
