you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
