He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
