So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
