ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
