; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
