bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
