I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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