why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
