we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
