I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
