So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
