You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
