i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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