Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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