I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
