just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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