we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
