Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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