You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
