Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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