Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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