we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
