In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
