It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
