Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
