In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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