I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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