I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
