I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
