so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
