oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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