a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
BRING THE BAGELS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
