I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
