College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
