From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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