I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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