my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He felt like a one man threesome
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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