More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
