i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
