Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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