omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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