Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
