he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
