Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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