the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
