i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
