1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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